Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
dude. I can hear the air.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
