I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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