wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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