In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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