If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
