i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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