maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
