i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's blow job season.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
