After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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