just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
