to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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