she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
