You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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