Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
