I wanna passion pit in your ass
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
