if only i could text you this smell
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
