Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
