I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
