youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
