When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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