i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
