I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
