i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
