He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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