The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
