Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
