We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
