Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
