The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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