D3 body, D1 cock
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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