Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
