idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
