I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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