I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
