omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
