Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
