Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
