I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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