With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
