Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
