Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
