my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
