I could have mohawked her pubes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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