dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
