ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
