oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
