I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
