Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
