There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
