you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
