my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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