im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This baby is an asshole
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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