I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
