Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
