I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this boner is exhausting
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
