maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
