nut hugger
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
