I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
