I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will pee on everything he values.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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