I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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