dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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