you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
