We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
