I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
