Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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