im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
