Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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