I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
