i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
