Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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