after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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