If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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