just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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