lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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