Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
