we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize