so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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