I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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