If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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