how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
