So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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