Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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