as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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