Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
