Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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