my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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