She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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