I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
