That's intense
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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