my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
