"it" just moved
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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