So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
