Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
