I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
