Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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