I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
